Saddened

I felt my heart break a little more tonight.

My three closest guy friends...I felt like I lost them all in a span of 2 years to the world.

Haish...how fragile, broken, filthy and unworthy we humans are. 

Now, prayer is the only balm to my sores 

Hi

Feeling so lonely at times

I've been chasing dreams

Chasing many things I've wanted to do after alevels

Yes I've accomplised/in the process of doing them

But they are fleeting and temporial things that can never fill the holes in my heart.

Every single time when I plug in my earphones, and the Word of God comes in through song I'm forever reminded that He's the one that gives me joy. No one else no matter how much I love and how much zeal I have for anything can ever provide me the true thing that all humans ultimately search for. Only God can and only God will as long we remain broken and ready to be with Him.

I Love You

Life ain't easy

This season isn't easy at all.

But Lord I want you and I need you

I really hunger for you, and I'm scared of so many things

I wish that I could tangibly be under your wings. Lord I'm weak and my prayers are fleeting. But I yearn for You.

How I wish I could be in a beautiful forest. With a dog by my side so I'd have a physical company with you. With Your Word at my feet, a guitar in hand, with songs on my lips and rejoicing your name forevermore~

I love You God.

CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

Haha I think I'm just really happy for the holiday and being apart from responsibilities and work for a while (:

Well CNY is always a time for me to catch up with my relatives and eat some goodies hahaha! For those whose relatives aren't in Singapore or don't get to go around to Bai Nian, IT'S OK! Do what you like cause it's the holidays! Give yourself space, go explore different beaches/parks (I would love to do that haha)

Hope I'd have a good day today and to everyone out there as well! ^^

Ok I'm definitely still not ready and having this "whatever, please just get outta my face, can I don't see you forever" mood.

Like seriously.

Just an update~

Hellooos!

So from this week onwards, I'm kinda feeling that almost everything would be travelling on a 'faster train'. As in everything starts.

So gonna start teaching today! Praying that everything goes smoothly and I don't trip over my words and just be smooooth haha! 

And of course cell leading my baby cell starts this Saturday as well (:

Really thankful for the first ever YM worship that went not bad I believe. The congregation could follow I hope! And being able to finally play the guitar and sing and lead at the same time still requires some getting used to in order for me to have my own personal worship with God, but it's getting there!

Really thankful as well to be able to meet my cell girls and there are FULL (and I mean FULL) of energy HAHAHA. But I'm glad for their expressiveness!

Well, this week shall be a good one as I get a tad bit busier I presume.

Seeya! 

Early Birthday Celebrations!

Not much to say here

Just that I'm gonna turn 20 very soon 

Annnnd again, God has indeed shown me so many people whom I loved and who loves me (:

For now, I can't wait for tuesday night where I get to meet my two very best friends for dinner ^^ 

Soon

What does it mean to be set apart as a Christian?

I don't want my breakup to be like anyone else's. You separate from the one you used to love and then silence follows.

They have to be a time where we reconcile. We become friends again no matter how terrible it sounds to me right now and how it even hurts to think about it (such that I wanna run from it).

So that is one way I can be set apart. This breakup would be different from how the world would deal with them.

My only hope/motivation is to obey. To be set apart for Your glory Lord. Because you love me so much. Soon.

New Year 2016

Prayed and thought of my usual "one word" for 2016 so here it goes.

The one word would the same as last year actually : Love (to be specific, is love that SUSTAINS)

In 2015, I experienced how much love I had in me and how I really expressed it in various areas of my life.

1) The love I experienced in my family and also how God has always been there throughout my alevel period. (look back at my previous post on how God spoke to me halfway through 2015)

2) The overwhelming love I had for Ben. Before everything went downhill of course. Although I feel that all the trust and love he had for me was all a lie, I know in my heart that my love for him was the most true one I've ever shown to anyone, Right now, looking ahead into 2016 I can finally channel all this love to new ministries and ultimately to God.

3) Lastly, I've come to experience the love of my best friends ever really. Bea, Tiffy, Abs, Timo ya'll are amazing, Of course not forgetting Michy who loves me so dearly as well. Such a tough time I had to go through right after alevels and they were there, to just have my back and comfort me etc. writing this makes me tear up honestly.

And of course not forgetting the abundance of love God has given me for animals (specifically shelter dogs). They have given me so much joy (:

Seeing how I would have to start a new job, volunteering at a new dog shelter, leading in WAMM, cell leading for the younger girls (gosh gotta blog more about this soon!!) and all seems daunting. But although much has happened in 2015 they were never burdens to me because I loved and was loved, all because He first loved us. So I want to carry on this "Love that sustains" with me into 2016, knowing that with such  overwhelming love in me I would be able to glorify God's name in many 

ways.

SO WHAT SPOKE TO ME at the start of Dec 2015:

Sometimes we lose our focus. 

We can be walking in love all day, going along fine, until someone comes along and offends us. As soon as we forget our focus of love, we stop making progress and come to a standstill- aggravated, upset and offended.

Understand that the mind is a battlefield.

If you don't stop Satan when he gets into your thoughts, you are not going to stop him from getting into your life.

Stay focused.

Ask God to help you remain full of love, no matter what comes your way today.

-Joyce Meyer

This spoke to me shortly after the breakup, and I felt that God is showing me how much more love I have to give to others and not just this one person. My capacity to love should not be sucked dry by one person but should always be overflowing because god's love for me is always abundant.

Though I sound like a hypocrite when I say that I have no energy...no drive to actually want to reconcile with Ben/forgive him/even think about it. (at least not right now). My emotions are right now stagnant at a certain state (which can peak anytime), and I don't exactly have plans to deal with them at the moment. It's just always too depressing and painful and emo (which I hate to be) to think about it. All I see are lies, betrayal and more lies everytime.

So, to sum it all up "Love that sustains" is my word.

It is what I know will keep me going in 2016 with so many transitions

It is what I want to glorify God with after he has blessed me with so much love

It is what I want to give to WAMM, cell, dogs, my family and friends.

So, HAPPY 2016 my friends ^^ 

My heart is definitely not 100% settled and sometimes emotions peak and things suck (seriously haha)

But things would still be alright I'm sure because God is here. He is my one and only hope, always faithful. I may be fazed for a little while but there are way too many people out there who needs to experience God's love and I can't just be here mopping anyways (:

Progress?

It's not all about the weight honestly. It's been long since I've weighed myself, and the last time I did I grew heavier! With the looks of it I'm definitely happy with my body and my lifestyle (: 

Remember how lethargic I feel and lazing around whenever I got bored. But hey HIIT exercises and running just made life a little better haha! So yea what I'm wearing are my training shoes (honestly wearing them>going barefooted)

Have yet to try out my running shoes but soon!!

Stay healthy by eating healthily and exercising. Beauty WILL fade. Enjoy it now and enjoy the benefits that come with it as you reach your golden years (: 

On a side note I want a runing buddy and am still dreaming of running alongside my dog haha. Cheers!

Neing shameless

No point colour matching or whatsoever when you exercise at home HAHAHAHA

New running shoes!

Ok so I've been running in my green coloured bulkier/heavier running shoes for a while now. And yup they served me well of course. 

And probably ever since I got my training shoes from Aussie I've been using them indoors too! But I've always wanted a lighter and brighter coloured running shoes with good cushioning

So...I can't say how stoked I am when my parents got me a pair for my upcoming birthday hehehehehe. Like seriously when I walked into the shop it just caught my eye and I'm like THAT'S TOTALLY IT. Plus it's really light and the cushioning is muchh better ^^ WOOOO

Awesomezzzz :D now running with greater speed haha!