Been kinda stressed recently. Ok probably more of last week. I'm glad today's much better haha.
Had like many assignments to complete, Lit ideas to think about and research upon (which can take hours) and fear of not being able to grasp concepts as well as J1. But all these gotta stop because why should I be afraid ><
Well of course I have other commitments too such as spending more time with my family and showing my mum how much I love her. Being more cautious of my actions and words. And also to my friends/community of churchies ^^ they have been such a wonderful bunch and I really wanna grow so much more closer to them.
But then I thought of my secondary school friends. They are people I've grown up with, people who made me laugh and really feel at home (:
But I think ever since I drifted away from them quite a little bit, I don't feel as much anymore. There's always this spiritual aspect that I'm always afraid they will not be able to understand, and since it is so important to me, I'm not very sure what to think. It hurts me to see myself not as close to them as before since I want to be that someone who help to bring them closer to God..
But I've prayed and thought about the big rocks in my life that I should be focusing on.
-Studies, of course for this year- Alevels
-My family, I want to be a better daugher
-Ben, he's really important and I'm glad we have talked so much more and want to grow closer to God and each other with the little steps we are taking
-Ministry, WAMM in church which is where God has placed me to serve and commit
So these are the big rocks in my life that I would allocate more time in, and it's the season of my life which I should be doing as well.
Different seasons, different friends, different amount of attention spend on these thing. I guess it's hard for me to sacrifice these big rocks for the smaller rocks in my life right now. Manz..it's hard really since everyone would hope to have an equal share of everything.
It hurts me though when my friends don't understand and feel like I'm spending more time with these "big rock" areas of my life and probably less time with them. I don't think friendship is ever based on how many outings I've been to etc. well yea of course they matter, but it isn't the basis.
I mean really? How can you expect me to give up my time so much to join in with outings that take up a whole night/afternoon and costs so much? Talks at night, I can't do that.
And then to tell me that I'm spending too much time with Ben and church? You sure? How do you know? Do you even understand? How can you ever understand when it's been such a long time since we've talked and you have no idea what has happened in my life?
I was stressed enough on that day and thinking about that just made me cry. How can you say that when you don't even know anything?
Haish but that was yesterday. It's over and now I know what I'm suppose to do.
Have tried though to set aside my time, hopefully I'm meeting my dear Belle this Thursday to catch up (:
I treasure these friendships, but I guess for now "big rocks" take priority in my life and I can't expect myself to have time for every single thing in the world that I want.
I thank God for blessing me so abundantly with constant Love from my family, my sweet darling Ben, and such a faithful and strong community of churchies. These groups of people see me through both school, emotional and spiritual aspects of my life, being there no matter what and ready to help. i don't think I can ever find a better group of friends.
I won't ever forget my secondary school friends though, but now I just gotta see how it goes.
