Being Christlike

Though your father 

Was your God and there was no other, you were not

Christlike

Though you walked in the love of your father. Though you stared 

At the stranger your mother.

What had she to do with you 

But tempt you from your father?

When her great hooded eyes lowered 

Their moon so close

Promising the earth you saw

You were not Christlike

You wanted to be with your father

In wherever he was.

And your body 

Barred your passage.

And a god that was not your father

Was a false god.

But you were not Christlike.

Time to stop. And change

I'm through with expecting others to make me happy. Through with expecting others to do things I'd wish they do.

Time to change this disgusting attitude.

Find happiness on my own, from God. And this happiness that is created in me can then be something that I give to others. Yup it won't be easy...but is something I realise, something I hope and want to achieve.

Sometimes I hate myself so much for my character. Have no idea why I'm so annoying and 'wanna strangle myself' kinda behaviour. 

I know I should love myself...but for today, can I just say I hate myself?

I hate myself.

Expectations

Well another post here I go! (Ok just a short one haha!)

Wells, learnt something this week. Quite crucial I would say. I gotta always remind myself to COUNT MY BLESSINGS. Haha. Yea I tend to expect quite a lot of things from people, and till the point I get disappointed. It's selfishness ba I guess. 

Can't always expect people to do this for you, and most of the time what you hope the person would do probably won't happen. On the bright side, what you don't expect someone to do if done to you will be a pleasant surprise ^^

Ok moving on~~~

My birthday day won't exactly be what I hoped it would be either haha! (Full of celebrations etc.) it'll just be school until like 7.30pm >< and then study again at home. But oh wells

On tuesday though would be going out with Ben for dinner (: simple, nothing out of the world but his time for me is special enough already ^^ and of course when he surprised me with a mini cake yesterday it made me really happy ^^

Thanks to my mum and dad as well for giving me birthday money cause I can't decide what to get for my birthday haha >< always being there even though we may not get along everytime ><

And PFU. Has been long since I've had deep convos with them...feel like it's always just fun and laughter but no proper conversations >< but still...thanks you guys, ya'll are awesome the way each and everyone of you guys are :)

Wells I shall blog more probably tomorrow on my birthday hehe! 

The new Year!

It's been a wonderful 2014

Full of blessings.

I can honestly say 2014 has been a good year for me. Have been blessed many many from various aspects of my life, and have seen how God brought me through my fears and worries.

Cell retreat was wonderful. Gave me, and I believe others too, a time to look back, to reflect, to be different. 

I'm concerned about school, how my grades would be, how the new timetable would work out and school work and stress etc. 

But I'm really glad for the community of friends I have in church, the constant community of people that will still be there with me through transitions. 

Last night (or actually 5am in the morning) was a special one. Managed to have a good htht with my dear Ben, and we shared quite a bit about what we think about our relationship now and improvements and direction he and I wanna take. 

It's not easy, but the fact that both of us have a strong conviction to slowly transit between a boy-girl relationship to a man-woman relationship warms my heart and provides me with this drive to please God.

There always have been this struggle of pleasing God and pleasing your partner. And when you're not rooted enough on the foundation of Christ, the latter may happen. 

I love Ben and pray that we will continue to improve, continue to have a surmount amount of love for God and each other as we grow as individuals to be more Christ-like and similarly as a couple.

I can't deny it's scary, the thought of the possibility that we may actually not be together. I pray and try my best to hope that will not happen because it scares me. But I believe this is something I should accept because even though I'm so sure he's the one for me right now, God has greater plans and I know He'll pull me through the greatest struggles.

I'm so happy to see the progress of our relationship so far. But phew there's way way wayy more to be done and I'm excited despite the fears. Excited to see what God has in store for us, and the many blessings He has yet to give us. Excited too for the many more opportunities that I can love Ben and show it to him, the many more wonderful memories to be made!

I pray God, that'll you'll be a part of everything single thing that happens in our relationship, to work things out and rationalise things, to give us wisdom for discernment and words to build each other up.

2015, here I go (: