Relenting

So sometimes there are certain things I expect. And I mean they ain't that high...are they? 

And so I tell myself to lower my expectations. Well I thought I did. Only to realise that instead of lowering expectations, I force myself to take it like "Ah wells, it's quite normal so heck it Pris". I guess lowering expectations means you've come to accept it and therefore feel cool about it. But I've turned it into a far more negative thing...it becomes numb in a way.

I don't exactly know what to do with myself sometimes. Cause I feel sad when you don't meet up to what I expect. Neither do I want to throw a tantrum. "Sorry" means "I know I'm in the wrong/in the wrong too, so I'll try to improve and not let this happen again.

So sorries are useless and nothing to me if nothing's gonna change...

I getting tired of all the sorries that amount to almost nothing. Well sometimes there is, but sometimes there isn't. 

I know feelings are too tentative. You can't base your feelings to judge situations...because it's so unreliable. But sometimes without that warm feeling of peace and joy, it's a bummer. A real bummer.

And so here I am, going through the motions. No, I shouldn't say that. Cause I hate going through the motions and being numb with things. 

We'll see how it goes.

Mid Years over! One day of good rest.

WOOTS MID YEARS ARE OVER! and my last paper was still quite alright (: 

So was suppose to go and cycle at ECP with my mum and sister today. Buuuutt due to the haze, my mum didn't wanna go >< but we went shopping instead hahaha!! (Ok honestly I would choose cycling over shopping serious, but since I've been running out of clothes to wear, and my wardrobe's totally outdated and a bore...I didn't mind shopping ^^)

I managed to get a few tops and all and a new pair of jeans! 

Lol ok this is so weird cause I've never had a blogpost in my entire life talking about shopping and what nots. But yea I've not shopped for half a year (and most probably not again till 5-6 months later), so I was really quite excited haha! 

Finally came home to make chocolate chip cookie dough for tomorrow so I can bake quickly for Saturday's cell ^^ 

And yea...can't forget that next week is my turn to worship lead so I gotta start planning and send chords in by Sunday/Monday.

Well today was a good day honestly to finally take a breather and rest (:

School starts tomorrow again! (We arts student had no rest while those Bio students ended on Monday and had like...4days of break?! But ah wells haha)

Studying ain't over yet, the goal's far but not so far away. So come on Pris, continue pushing and pacing yourself to finish the while marathon with a HIGH!

Yay!! ^^ 

Rebel. Ok not

Haha ok this title doesn't say much.

Getting ready for church today and wore this. But nope I wore a cardigan over in the end lol.

So I felt like a rebel wearing this Haha. Yea cause I've not worn sleeveless like forever. And since the only time I'm out and wearing outside clothes, 98% of the time would be to go to church, I doubt I wear anything more revealing than probably just my wrists HAHA!

Ok not saying I can't wear sleeveless to church but probably I just don't.

Buuutt actually kinda thinking of wearing something like that to ATC's concert HAHA!

(Gosh I'm too fashion deprived honestly, the clothes in my wardrobe are always the same lol)

Well today was quite a terrible day cause I lost my wallet and got so flustered...but thankfully (like seriously Thank you God) a kind soul found my wallet and reported it (:

And I missed JDOP haish...yea cause I have exams tomorrow :/ ah wells

Exams hasn't been awesome lately honestly so I really gotta buck up for Prelims (if not I'm dead)

And of course I'd just like to thank all my awesome friends who have been walking this tough 2015 with me all this while (so far). Keeping me in prayer, asking me how things are (seriously it means so much) even if ya'll won't be seeing this (I think no one actually does haha..i don't even remember if this blog is privated) 

Really thank all of you who aren't only the ones who see the craziest side of me (and be crazy with me) but also the ones who build me up emotionally, spiritually. And of course the ones who are with me through my milestones and love me (:  

Tomorrow's MYEs

Ok so tomorrow is MYEs and it's just so crucial (personally I feel).

Have been feeling quite down lately because of not working as hard as I know I could have and I should be, but what's done is done and I'm still thankful for good friends by my side this whole time spurring me on and telling me to chill haha!

And yes thankful for meal at IKEA last night with church cellmates till it closed haha! Love ya'll loads ^^

Ok so tomorrow is GP paper and Lit paper 1 (great 2 of my weakess subjects) but I'm really really aiming for at least a C for these two subjects. I worked on them (though I know it's not enough) but still I'll do what I can phew ><

I'm sorry God I did not do my best...but I'll leave it all up to your hands. The fears and anxieties and the mentality that I have to meet my own expectations and my teachers' I'll leave it all to your hands.

Amen.

Day of studying with darling ^^

Yup so I can't not have a blog post about this wonderful day can I? Haha ^^

It was a really awesome day, and I'm so thankful for it ^^

So yup we went to IKEA to have our salmon and meatballs as planned (luckily the queue went pretty fast ><) 

Pacaked food home for my sis and on the way back we went to Giant to get our apple cider!! ^^ have been wanting to drink it for quite a while but never got round to buying it haha!

So when we came back we just studied and studied until dinner was ready! Haha dinner was quite cute really (my sis and I laughed like crazy at the start because of some sister thing and whatever my dad said haha!) 

And Ben and I continued to get fat afterwards by having a little bit of ice cream and our apple cider hahahaha.

And of course before starting work again, we played monopoly deal with my sis, and then we studied all the way till he gotta go home.

Haha that was a quick summary

Well, seems like a really simple Thursday. But honestly I felt so blessed and happy to have my darling beside me the whole day >< and that he realy enjoyed himself too ^^ presence of each other can't beat anything else! Haha studying has honestly never been that fun yet productive!

I love you darling ^^ ❤️❤️❤️

Little flame

A random picture of my candle

It's so pretty and smells so nice whenever I burn it (: 

Though I think the next candle I'd probably wanna get would be Yankee because the wick and all that is much better than this brand. 

Tomorrow my darling is coming to study with me ^^ and finally gonna go to IKEA for lunch!! Salmon and meatballs ahhh :D

Random pictures

Ok so the other day Ben went to Philippines and he asked me what I wanted. And yes of course I said I wanted a doggie something and guess what he bought! HAHAHAHA it was hilarious when he showed it to me!!

Ok yea I doubt I would ever wear it but cause it was a dog and it's from him, I took a few random shots when I was bored at home. HAHA! 

I love you dear thanks for making me smile ^^

Studyingg

So I've been preparing for my Mid-years this entire June Holidays.

Well...trying to and hopefully being able to haha cause manz...I keep getting distracted seriously (whenever did my focus level dropped?!)

Yup so it's been alright I guess, a good rest too! But worried that I'm not doing as much as I should be...and fearful as well. Well, God told me to rely on Him this month through a verse, and I won't forget that! (:

Geography trip to Kuantan!

Wow ok I don't really know where to start because there's too many things to say haha! (Although it was only 3 days)

Had a really awesome experience and felt like I was totally in my element HAHA!

Trekking, climbing, getting (literally) down and dirty as we walked through mud and water thigh deep.

I love love love these kinda trips with the adrenaline rushes from climbing to the top of the cave, over steep rocks and cliffs with just bare hands (well our geography teachers are cool dudes so they had their fun too haha!)

But I can say I learnt quite a bit as well. Rocks that we learnt in our lecture notes, we could finally see them in reality and felt them too! We even saw how brittle sandstone was when we started throwing it against sharp rocks (and I think some took pieces home lol)

But of course not forgetting the late night studying from about 9pm-12am (what to do? Being a J2 student haha!) but studying with friends and an awesome teacher there who is available immediately, creates a good time of studying.

And then the food there wasn't bad at all actually it was good enough for me! ^^

I can say going for geography trips is really my element because of all the acitivities. So gonna go trekking one of these days (I guess...after alevels ><) with Ben! ^^

And yea manz geography is just awesome.

I miss it already ><

God spoke to me

I wanna rejoice today ^^ becauseeee

The verse: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" Psalm 73:26 popped up twice today in just this night. First through the Psalm devotion book I've been reading and the second time through the instagram daily_bible_devotional page. It shocked me quite a bit when I was just scrolling and I saw the exact same verse!

I wasn't very sure what was this about though. But after thinking a bit I finally knew. I have been crying out to God quite recently that I feel so far from Him (just had this sudden feeling and it just occurred on Tuesday, and also that I'm fearful about my studies). 

Well, I think this verse is you God, teling me that You're here and that although I am weak, You're always here to be "the strength of my heart and my portion forever." ^^ 

Haha I'm just feeling really happy now. And also I was talking to Ben throughout the whole night (I even took a picture of the devotional page I was reading before that and than the instagram post afterwards! So we both saw how cool God spoke ^^)

Thank you God for always pursuing us even when we drift away from you, since the very very beginning you were the initiator and love for each and everyone of us (: ❤️❤️❤️

My very first candle!

Yes!! This is my very first candle!

(Ok I know this seems like I'm making a whole big deal about a candle) but...I've always wanted one! Just didn't bother to purposely go get one ><

Well, was out with Ben the other day and passed by these candles. He started picking them up and smelling them and then I started also HAHAHA! and he looked at me and said "Do you want?" Hehe I honestly didn't have a need for them. But yea I didn't mind buying one and trying it out ^^ we went for dinner and we came back to really get one!! Hehehehe :3

And yes now I burn it at night while I'm studying. Quite a timely buy as well the fact that I'll be stuck studying at home every night >< now I have a pretty flame and nice smelling room! ^^

Thanks darling! ^^