My very first candle!

Yes!! This is my very first candle!

(Ok I know this seems like I'm making a whole big deal about a candle) but...I've always wanted one! Just didn't bother to purposely go get one ><

Well, was out with Ben the other day and passed by these candles. He started picking them up and smelling them and then I started also HAHAHA! and he looked at me and said "Do you want?" Hehe I honestly didn't have a need for them. But yea I didn't mind buying one and trying it out ^^ we went for dinner and we came back to really get one!! Hehehehe :3

And yes now I burn it at night while I'm studying. Quite a timely buy as well the fact that I'll be stuck studying at home every night >< now I have a pretty flame and nice smelling room! ^^

Thanks darling! ^^

The world should just open now so I can hide in a hole and rest without time passing by

4th Anniversary

For starters, this is probably the first time we went out and celebrated our anniversary >< HAHA! But anyways

Went to Punggol waterway today (: and although the photos don't seem like it, we were both quite sweaty and sticky haha! Well I think out dates have always been a lot of walking, travelling, eating and more walking (and forgetting to take full length body shots ughhh)

It was a realy interesting day haha! Most things didn't go as planned but glad it didn't rain (: it definitely wasn't a candle light dinner/princessy anniversary but it was a Ben and Pris kinda thing hahaha ^^

Well it was definitely a fun one, and I'm so glad you liked the present I made for you (:

You've been the greatest most sweetest darling I could ever have (: thanks for always being here and there whenever I need you (ok not 100% always but...you know what I mean)

It's already been 4 years! Quite amazing haha (: and I love all the conversations I have with you and all. I love you very much and yes, I can't wait to continue this journey together with you till the very end (: Happy 4th anniversary my darling ❤️

I don't think many people know this about me or see it. Not sure how many peole would know about it now since it's posted.

But there's this thing about me is when I like you, I really like you. But when I'm cautious or have a bad impression of you, it takes a really long while and probably other factors for me to like it.

Gosh...I'm struggling

I don't normally take solo selfies...but when I do..

This is bad I'm being ridiculous :/ 

To give without expecting

Well yup the title says it all.

To give without expecting...expecting anything in return. It's not easy...maybe not for everyone but it's hard for me at times.

I mean in the case of volunteering by helping shelter dogs I find myself not expecting anything frim those dogs or from anyone honestly. Haha yea probably only when working with dogs I'd have that mentality HAHA. Working with humans...well yea that's different. 

I would always have this expectation of how situations would turn out, how I hope situations would turn out, and when I hope I kinda 80% feel like it'll come true. And so yea when it doesn't, I get really disappointed haha! So shallow of me to think like that but sometimes it's a real struggle especially in relationships. Relationship I have with Ben, with friends, even with family. And yea I tend to either get mad or annoyed or just really hurt when these expectations are not met.

Read Romans 1:8-17 today and saw how I shouldn't actually be expecting anything from humans because we do what is right, not what is for pride. 

Haha yea all these are head knowledge and I'm still working on exercising it in real life situations. 

It's so easy to be sucked into this world where what we do is being judged, being witnessed by those around us. So we have the tendency to seek approval from others and when we don't we just felt like it was bad or maybe just other random thoughts.

So I gotta learn

This is a really random rant, but yea some thoughts that has been bugging me for a while now.

Worn out

Have been feeling so tired these few weeks. Last week was really a busy one. With homework to do, so many things to think about, consolidation stuff that I gotta do but have yet to, ministry stuff in church, and school Masquerade event. Yes, it has been one busy week.

And so I thought it'll be over the following week...but no D: just yesterday and today, Lit teacher gave us 2 additional assignments that are due in...(wait for it) the same week together with phattss session and worship leading week. OMGosh I nearly felt like D: in my brain when I knew about it.

It's so tiring really to juggle all these things. And when I'm stressed out I cry, but I hate crying over these kinda stuff so everything just gets more sucky ><

Well that's kinda my rant for such tiring weeks I'm having. I'm still trying to sleep as much as possible, exercise at least 2-3 times a week and making sure I eat right. I may not always keep to that, but it's what will sustain me physically.

On a happier note, got my certificate and cash award for the Monash award, and on 30th May (College Day) the school invited my parents down with me to go up on stage to collect some other Monash award! :O Don't know what that is though haha. Just thankful (:

It has been tiring (I've said this like how many times just in this one post?) haha. But I gotta stay positive. And I really hope God speaks to me regarding whether or not I should put down ministry for a while. I really don't want to because I really enjoy the sessions despite the opportunity cost to more time of studying haha.

It's been hard, but Tough times create Tough people. So, gotta press on!

The week's over!

This week has been one tiring week >< really glad that it's over and yes the highlight of the week is church ^^ finally get to see my best friends and just relax and all. And finally after a whole week get so see my darling ^^

I really hope next week won't be as bad >< i gotta have more concentration and all in my studies haish. But for now, Happiness ^^

Change. I feel strongly about

Change is good. It can be uncomfortable (I'm not a big fan of change), but when change is for the better then of course, why not? 

It's sad to see that certain mindsets still remain the same after a long period of time. You mean you're still seeking fun, excitment and 'ways to keep you from being bored' when choosing a church to go to? That fun and excitement can come from the music, the people, the activities. But all these are just short lived. Are you gonna just be hyped up every Saturday/Sunday and then the next 5-6 days you're just 'sian' or 'sailing along in life'?

And then comes the purpose of going to church in the first place. I mean even till now you're worried about awkwardness, about looking good? What's the purpose of going to church anyways? To find something to do? No.

It's not just 'you, you, you' in this world. We were meant to build a community (and that means taking the initiative, taking steps and moving YOURSELF instead of expecting others to tolerate you and move you) this world doesn't revolve around you...

Community is important.

And of course to know more about God, to serve, to be a humble servant who comes excited even without hyped up music, flashing lights, but to just come and worship and praise God. Because whatever your mood is God DESERVES the highest Praise and Worship. Our mood should not define whether we should worship God today or not. There's a big difference (or maybe a thin line) between a God-centered worship and a Man-centered one. It's easy to get sucked into self-induced emotional feelings. Think you're not? Think again to make sure. Worship without the Word is almost useless. 

Doctrine over devotion. 

Truth tanscends tunes.

But all these can be encouraged by friends, and of course being convicted to do so. But ultimately no one can do anything if you yourself are too lazy to do anything to help yourself, thinking that situations are always awkward, caring more about yourself than others, all talk but no action.

I think what starts it all is really just a choice, and being committed enough to stick to that choice. With that choice comes self-motivation and slowly community, realisation and clarity would come along.

I'm not saying that the immediate effects of wanting to learn so much about God, or there should be happiness and excitement every single day. But if that choice comes we'll see that things will really start to change, and not just being stuck in the same laziness or mindset as you were 2 years ago (maybe even 4).

Easter Sunday. The King has RISEN!

Had an emotional time during breaking of bread today.

I thank you Jesus for loving me so much. That weight of the cross didn't mean much I believe, compared to all of my sins. 

When I kept on repeating similar sins, I feel so guilty at times and I feel so frustrated. I can't believe how you must have felt, that surmounting burden that was placed on your shoulders and on your heart. But today, I kinda feel like I felt a little bit of that while really thinking about your sufferings not at the cross, but even the day you were born.

A Man of sorrows...

I love you Jesus, and thank you for what you're still doing to and for me.

Crazy days Happy days

This is probably a part of me that when people start to notice they see me totally differently HAHAHA