Relenting

So sometimes there are certain things I expect. And I mean they ain't that high...are they? 

And so I tell myself to lower my expectations. Well I thought I did. Only to realise that instead of lowering expectations, I force myself to take it like "Ah wells, it's quite normal so heck it Pris". I guess lowering expectations means you've come to accept it and therefore feel cool about it. But I've turned it into a far more negative thing...it becomes numb in a way.

I don't exactly know what to do with myself sometimes. Cause I feel sad when you don't meet up to what I expect. Neither do I want to throw a tantrum. "Sorry" means "I know I'm in the wrong/in the wrong too, so I'll try to improve and not let this happen again.

So sorries are useless and nothing to me if nothing's gonna change...

I getting tired of all the sorries that amount to almost nothing. Well sometimes there is, but sometimes there isn't. 

I know feelings are too tentative. You can't base your feelings to judge situations...because it's so unreliable. But sometimes without that warm feeling of peace and joy, it's a bummer. A real bummer.

And so here I am, going through the motions. No, I shouldn't say that. Cause I hate going through the motions and being numb with things. 

We'll see how it goes.